Fuck it.

Here's a Carrie Bradshaw entry for you.

Fuck the whole dating game. I'm so sick of it. Yes i've had a glass of wine, okay make that two in me, but i've still got my fucking sanity and fuck the whole dating game. I was sitting here thinking of how Friday night I met this cool guy, and Saturday morning he felt like a much better catch, as I woke up with him being all sensitive to me spooning, kissing, acting in bed how I would with someone as if i were dating them. And trust, me i'm NOT the one night stand type of girl but it happend. And in my head while it was happening i was thinking of my ex telling me how to play the "game" and to read Why Men Love Bitches because in a nut shell chapters 1-3 explains not to sleep with a guy on date 1.

But fuck it. I needed some, was in the moment, and it's almost 2010. Which brings me to my next point. We met Friday, It's now Wednesday night...in any sort of "dating game" he should have called by now, considering Saturday in the day he texted me "You're hot I would love to take you to dinner and drinks, I'll call you." WIth that said, he was obvisouly into me. I wasn't by any means waiting around my phone for him, but in the back of my head, he could have called it's Wednesday. Men today are so fucking lazy. Thinking they can call a lady a week or two later because they have had a busy week is total bullshit. I've had a pretty busy week too and i'm around. I'm also a great catch. So i texted him. Man, I sounds so 2009, but i was sitting here a little pist at the fact that once again men suck, and was debating for a sec to give him another day or two and the i thought to mysef - Fuck It. Who is to say what the dating rules are these days? It all seems to be about text and email anyways. Who's to determine a guy is suppose to call a girl. I mean yes, it should happen like that - and in a world full of chivalry that would. But I wanted to say hi, so I gave in and just texted him "How are you?" I figured by this point I should have either gave him the benefit of the doubt or waiting a week for him to call and that's when I thought, Fuck it. I'm going to text him. He will either a) text me back with some lame message or b) never text and get turned off by my text and never call ...and the later of the two option well, then fuck it, i'm over it anyways and i'ts the story of my so-called life.

So there ladies, I had to vent. So sick of trying to "wait arounf" for the desginated call. A part of me love that, but more often then not a part of my genuinely feels like it's a new century and who cares who makes contact with who. He will either read that text as "she's too eager" or realize I kind of genuinely wanted to say "Hello." Hopefully the later of the two.

I'm over it. I don't think there's any definition to men vs. women these days. Honestly, the older I get, I don't think so.

I also somehow managed to email my ex "How's life" in genuine hopes of just hearing back from him how he is doing, and also calling my crush...when really he owes me a call.

Whatever. Just got sick of the waiting around scene tonight. Perhaps that's why men get intimidated from me. I'm not a doormat by anymeans anymore, i'm just legit and sick of bullshit and dating "games."

Let's cut to the chase.

Getting Older.

I'm not as good as updating as I should be, or would like to be. But I do randomly have blog thoughts come cross my head, so here is to trying to be consistent a little more.

I have two more weeks left of being 26. And it's kind of weird. I feel like I need to live it up and be in the moment, and while that definitely was the definition of last night's festivities, and wednesday nights as well, tonight on the other hand, makes me realize...I am getting older. As I sit on the couch, delirious from the night before, and wanting to get out and do something but want nothing to do with anything cocktail related.

I'm turning 27 soon, and I feel like I am getting older. It's strange thinking 22 years olds are young, because just yesterday seems like I was there. 26 was not a bad year, but a year of transition. I've learned a lot about myself, life, and people in general. I somehow feel more confident with who I am. Not that i've ever been one to be insecure, but we all have out insecurities whether we like to admit them or not, this year I have just grown to not care. I am who I am mode, so to say. I think that all came from me my one time Sunday experience at Agape, and some inspiring words from Church as well. I don't let other people get under my skin, and while I have realized life is full of "flakiness" in general, the older we get the harder it is to keep in touch with people. You realize you may only have a few close friends, but it's better to have a few close friends than one million aquaintances. You realize life, really does go by fast, and things can happen in a years time that change your direction of life by 360 degrees. You realize to not let under people get under skin and it takes two to tango to make a friendship. And if people don't put in their effort, sometimes it's just not worth it. You realize, while dating is fun, meeting guys with depth and soul is what really captures the mind, body and soul.

At times I feel ahead of my game for 26, at times I feel like I want to drop it all and go travel the world and rack up a Visa card with valuable "experience."

26 has been a year of transistion. In this year I have, just as a quick re-cap, moved back to San Diego, finally got a job title that is fullfilling, found God again, supporting my mom through breast cancer, bought a condo, still struggling to totally fit in, in SD...althought it is slowly coming to place, and i'm trying to have patience with it, learned that manifesting postitive thoughts really does work. 27 is going to be a great year. I want to take a big trip to Europe again, hopefully Greece, or South America. I want to (really) get into photography again, work on some side gigs in music down here, and ...well, at the top of a list...meet a man. I know sometimes we just have to stop looking, but it would be really nice to go to the Holidays this year and answer the question, of yes, I actually am dating a great guy. It's been awhile, and I am ready to be in a fullfilling relationship again. I think I needed some time to build up more of "me" this year I have done so. I'm ready to find that, and while SD is filled with a pool full of men who don't know how to buy a lady a drink anymore, are shy or just to laidback to get a girls number, I know my soul mate is probably right under my feet, in my own home town.

It's 8:53 and I'm exhasuted. Partly feeling like I should get out and live it up, but don't have the energy. haha. I'm getting older. Cheers to turning "27"...man, that sounds so old!