Thursday, April 22, 2010

Patience.

Sitting at work, in a super tired mentally just don't give a crap about working zone. It happens. I day dream a lot. Most recently about the simple word "patience." I take after my Dad in a sense that I have never been good at having patience. When I want something, I want it now. When I have my mind set on something, it's usually set. I am like this in work, in non work, in relationships and most importantly...my sorta overall every day life plan. I'm such a forward thinker, I'm not happy I think to myself "well what can I do to be happy," and often, those decisions are based off emotion. Although these days I am very much trying to lean towards mind over emotion.

Lately, a month ago I was confused as hell and unhappy. I thought I knew the steps I had to take to make me happy and in the end it all erupted into second thoughts, and sorta more than one sign coming my way and a great convo with a good friend who is the "logic to my life," to make me realize maybe I just need to take a step back for a second, relax, and enjoy the show. Life is to short. I am so so blessed with the things in it. Recently patience was a big topic at church. Pastor Miles often talks about God's plan having patience and everyone must be patient. Things don't happen over night. Well, I don't know how and when all these things I have been manifesting and praying for have been slowly starting to fall into place...but I think they all have to do with patience being such a virtue.

It's crazy, but this thought is my new little motto in life. I don't think it's a bad idea to ever have bigger goals or aspirations but sometimes, sometimes you have to be content and deal with what is now versus the future. You have to work on prospering the things around your current situation first. And so that's sorta where I am now, and I am feeling more content. To sum that up.

It's a cool feeling. So I'm going to roll with it for a minute before I swear by my gut again.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

boys are lame.

met a cool guy friday night.
friend of a friend.
hooked up, probably shouldn't have.
got his number because he couldn't find his phone.
told me to text him.
waited awhile and said
"good times last night - tiffany"
I figured it wasn't a question or a chessy
"here's my number ;)" line.
I left it open ended.
He hit me today around 4pm,
"what are you up to tonight."
I started to immediately overanalyze and think do I wait two hours to hit him back,
do I say I'm busy...
And then I thought, F it.
Ten minutes later
"not sure, no huge plans"
Hey I was honest.
Nothing back from him.
WTF.
Can't people have the decency to hit me back.
So two hours later I wrote
"What about you...wine?"
And nothing.

I don't understand people.
I don't understand people who suck at communication.
Especially people who I thought were more real.

Note to you:
I'm not trying to be up on your grill,
just trying to be myself.

When you do text me back, which I'm sure you will.
You just watch me play this damn fucking game,
right back with you.

for now, i'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
I go between having game and not giving a fuck.

Why? Because men can seriously suck.

Had to vent.

Whatever.