roller coaster.

life is a roller coaster.

it's crazy how one day life can finally start to feel back to normal, after a few twists and turns and then BAM! the ride just gets bigger and faster and deeper and scarier.

but that's life i guess. and yet i don't choose to sit here, gritting my teeth. i don't choose to sit here worried and scared. i hold on and ride the ride how i want too. dealing with the ups and downs and twists and turns in the way that i know how too, in the way that makes Me feel secure.

and i'll never know if it's right or if it's wrong, but i don't have much to hang onto but the bar in front of me. and in the end, if i just try to enjoy the ride and let go of that fear, i'll be okay. the ride will be smoother.

and i can easily sit here and wonder why all of a sudden this roller coaster has so many new turns, but without them, i guess, it wouldn't be half the journey.

and so...

i just try to sit back, relax, and hold on for the ride. smiling all the way through, laughing all the way through...that's how i ride the ride. it's my ride.

in His name.
i pray.
amen.

Men still suck.

Well not really, and not all the time, but lately yes.

I will leave this short but I am having another Carrie moment. I went on a great date almost two weeks ago, and he never called. The whole thing felt natural and comfortable, unlike a one on one interview, and we even had a little kiss at the end, which i normally only do if it feels right, but it did. And of course he never called. We sat there bonding and talking about everything. I don't get it. Okay okay maybe i do get it "he's just not that into you"...but I don't get how a guy can sit there and invest interest and have that comfort level feeling and even say let's hang again and then never call. I'd rather he spare me my two hours.

Who knows, perhaps it was my face turning red, as he mentioned he just turned the big 3-0 and then I asked him what sign he was and he said "Scorpio" with slight smirk. What did that mean? He even said "Yeah I'm a total Scorpio even my sister swears by it." He knew he was a full on Scorpio and i literally had to bite my lips from not saying any remark, since i promised myself i would never date a Scorpio again.

But what's funny is that for some odd reason every guy i meet is a f_uc_ing Scorpio. I don't get it! Literally almost every guy. I think I am drawn to them because they are somewhat like a puzzle to figure out, and i like to be kept on my feet, and that does it for me in some aspects. But after awhile i can't take that much of a challenging puzzle. Even though I know how to put one together well.

ummm yeah.

hey, at least it wasn't a post-it.

p.s. Today i have been 26 for 6 months. Happy half birthday to me. 27....scary.