tonight was random.

I swear I must be getting older, because Friday nights come around and I always debate whether I want to go out or stay in and just relax. Since my problem usually lies in the fact that when I choose to go out one glass of wine turns into much more, just because i tend to get my second wind. But tonight I met up with a good friend of mine and we went to the Whistle Stop in South Park.

And here's where it gets random...

I'm driving to the bar and I see a few cop cars, but keep on driving. I get to an intersection, almost at the bar and see what looks like 1000s of lights and cops....WTF. It was Critical Mass, a cyclist group in SD and all major cities composing of hundreds an hundreds of bicycle people, who meet the last Friday of every month to show the world ....well, basically in a nut shell, ....how to save gas! So there I was sitting at stop sign and literally could not move my car due to 1,000 ( no seriously) , people on their bikes passing by me. At first I was ticked, and then I started to think how cool it was, as the many great looking male bicyclists passed me by. So I then decided to crank up my stereo and find out what the hell is going on! I kinda was envious for a sec and wanted to be a part of it.

Sooo...in a month from now, i'm totally going to take part.

And I finally made it to the bar to meet a friend, and listen to some cool live tunes at the bar. My friend had to leave a little earlier than I had wanted, so I decided to hang outside for awhile longer. I started talking to these (lame) guys who were trying to detect my deal, when this cute (but short) guy was standing next to me and overheard me telling these (lame) guys of how I went to school in Boston, just moved back yada yada. So the new guy butt on in, and couldn't help to overhear out convo about Boston, and he just so happened to be from San Diego, ( La Mesa) actually. What a small world. La Mesa is the east county of SD, and not many (cool) people come from it. Do I dare say.

So after talking with this guy I find out his name is Cody. He then slowly starts to look familiar and I start too put two and two together as we reminisce about our childhood in La Mesa. Half way through the conversation I awkwardly ask him if he went to St. Lukes Elementary school, and sure enough it was the Cody T I remembered. Only back in the 5th grade, he was the school bully and did nothing but made fun of me, which actually took me years to get over. I definitely had my ugly duckling stage. So we couldn't get over how random it was that we met, and we joked over our four square days and him being a bully, because he seriously was such a nice guy that night. I did notice the ring on his finger, and turns out it was from his boyfriend, which also caught me be surprise because he was definitely the class cutie as well, total jock at the time...for as jock as a 6th grader can be.

So all in all, I had a pretty awesome night. We bonded about how flaky people can be these days and how that is soo not an east coast thing, at least not as bad. Ironically, while we made promises to hang out again we have yet to be in touch. But the night definitely made me feel like coming home was the right thing to do. I guess because I more often than not have been having my doubts of SD, little random things like this keep happening to me and makes me feel like it was definitely the right thing to do. At least for the time being. I ve decided that even though I don't love it here, I'm here for the right reason and maybe it will just take time for it to all fall into place. And if it doesn't i can always cross that bridge in a year from now. But i need to stick it out for a year, be here for my mom, my career, hopefully my love life, and realize that living in America's Finest City, despite the lack of close friends I have here these days, really isn't THAT bad. LA isn't going anywhere, and neither is San Francisco. I'm sure I'll be back. I just need to sit out a round and play my cards right.

working gal.

i remember being in my late teens and starting to read magazine's like Cosmo and Self magazine, and there would always be articles about the working gal, and things to do to burn calories and be healthy during the work week. i remember feeling lucky i didn't have to deal with that yet.

well, today, I realized i'm totally in the middle of it all. I'm a young working professional, and at mid career level, I am having such a difficult time balancing out a 9-6 full time job, traffic, social life, family time, and gym time. Key word: gym time.

This blog won't be long, nor meaningful, but I fully realize the difficulty now of why women tend to put on a few pounds as they advance in career. I am not a morning person as is, so while I have done it in the past - you know, wake up at 630am and go to the gym then treck to work, I was at a job where frankly my boss didn't care if I rolled in at 10 am, and there really wasn't much brain work involved with my day to day bullshit duties.

Now I have to function like a pro, and haven't been doing a very good job of maintaining a healthy workout schedule - which frustrates me because i seriously feel so crappy about myself when I am not in my best shape.

How am I suppose to fit it in? My week last week consisted of: Monday night pilates - good. Tuesday night - happy hour with some new girlfriends. Wednesday night - show at u31 with my bosses' husbands band. Thursday - happy hour and a show and more happy hour with an old friend. Friday - exhausted night in. Sat/Sun - worked out! This week - Monday - awards show so no pilates class. Tuesday - night in, exhausted from night before. Wednesday - Lost party night with some friends. Thursday - happy hour with my cousin, which we have been trying to plan for weeks now.

So I don't know where I am going with this blog, other than the fact that I really want to find a better balance, and found myself today doing a couple laps at lunch around the Ralphs shopping center parking lot just to burn some cals.

My cousin's Bar-Mitzvah is in two months and my goal is t loose 5 pounds and get back to being toned. I was doing so good for awhile! But I feel gross these days. And realize I am totally one of those mid twenties working professionals, who are the target of SELF and Shape magazine.

So solution: Stick to gym classes that I have to drive out of my way to go to, so I actually go. Schedule- Monday cardio then pilates. Wednesday - cardio then pilates. Saturday - cardio then pilates. Sunday 9:30am bootcamp! EXCEPT when will I start these consistently? This coming Monday I have another awards show to go too! And no, it will NOT be the GRAMMY's this year!

Okay I am done venting - I promise to write about something more exciting soon.

riddle me this.

ok so honestly, while i'd like to pretend it doesn't bother me, i seriously ask myself why am i still single? I'm at a point in my life where I really do feel I am ready to love again, experience life with someone, and one day ( hopefully before i'm 30), be married.

I don't get why I am still single, and yes I have to admit watching cheesy but ohh so addicting reality shows like the Bachelor, make me realize that there are a lot of cute, well rounded single women in the world. But I don't get it. It feels like everyone I know has a ring on their finger. I hate the dating scene, and while i've been in the middle of it all really have just become even more confused by men. Why they act into you and then don't call? Why they can talk for hours upon hours with you, and then never call, how they can write novel of emails back and forth wit you, and then not call. These are all seperate men mind you.

But I thought the men in SD would be different, and while they definitely are in a sense, they still tend to be jerks in their own way. I don't get it. I think i'm cute, have a good career, have lived life and traveled, well educated, intelligent, outgoing, fun, adventurous, good style, good attitude and outlook on life, well read and traveled...so can anyone tell me why??

Ugh. Valentines is approaching once again and after spending another single Holiday season, here goes another Vday of singleness.

I just want that moment to come. That moment of instant click and comfort, to stay this time. I know it's out there bigger and better.

When.
Where.
Why.
How.

It's 2009 already?

It's been awhile since i've updated, and I apologize for any one who is a major fan, but life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately, and somehow here we are in the entrance of 2009. Where have the last 9 years gone?

So update on me. No longer living in LA. Back in San Diego full time for the first time in almost 10 years. Somehow ironically end up spending most of my time at a place 9 years ago, I couldn't wait to depart from: UCSD campus. Still single, and have pretty much stopped "looking" for love, hoping like all those optimistic happy in love woman say "it will come to me when I stop looking." Although I have to admit that thought doesn't help the lonely nights. I'm pretty much convinced that while San Diego is by far probably the most esthetically pleasing city, and I feel blessed to work in La Jolla, California, a place where people only dream they could live because it really is that picture perfect...the fact that it's trying to become or better yet has emerged into a wanna be hipster town with "East Village" now a apart of downtown, and the once sketchy North Park is now the Silverlake of it all, has totally made me a little stand-offish.

I don't really know anyone here anymore. Okay that's a lie. I know a ton of people, but have totally lost touch with so many people, and have truly realized that when you haven't seen people in 10 years, they totally change. Some for the best, others for the worst, and others - will always hold a special place in my heart.

I somehow live at home again, which is funny because when I meet people and they ask me what part of SD I live in, I really want to say Little Italy, but i've realized that would be a lie. I am back in La Mesa with my mom. My goal is to have my own place by May. But this is giving me a great opportunity to save a nice amount of cash flow each month, so much so that I somehow am still broke for the time being, because that extra money in my checking account tends to go to eating out and clothes. But hey, I figure I should enjoy it awhile. So trying to take advantage of living at home again, and honestly if i were smart I should live here for a year or more so I could make a down payment on a condo or house! But instead for the time being, I live in a small cottage type house with my mom, and an exchange student from Turkey. The only space I have is a small bedroom, and at times I really just want to kick them both out of the house so I can have some space! BUT, I have to remember the real reason I was prompted to move down here in the first place.

My mom has cancer. I found out on October 25th, 2008 - hence the stall in writing. I have been writing just not for the public yet. Yes she has advanced breast cancer that has spread to the bone, and while I can talk about it with strength, the way i deal with it is to just keep praying and don't dwell on it. So now you know, she is doing well, I tend to forget at times she has it, and when I think of it, I want to cry the night away. But I am doing well, she is doing well, God has saved me from all this.

As in yes that's right I recently was Saved at The Rock Church and for anyone who does not believe in a higher power, well, I pray for you. Because the way God works is amazing. I saw it come through on my own life, in a time where I needed it. I was lost, confused, feeling out of place with LA and the people there, and even some of my own friends, and BAM one day my plan had changed, I entered a new chapter, and have been blessed this far. Step by step.

It's all sort of ironic, because I was in Vegas with a couple of my best friends having a blast, and then literally in the airport I had this weird gut feeling that I hadn't heard from my mom. A n intuition. Then the same night I flew back to LA, I found myself driving to the hospital in SD to find out the news. In a way, I think it was a wake up call. I had been living this life of having a good time and feeling so disconnected, that while life still is far from my ideal situation, things have progressed a lot.

At this point, I really like my job. I'm Marketing Manager at La Jolla Playhouse, and a lot of people keep asking me why the hell I left the music industry and I can say is this. I absolutely adored the people I worked with, and miss them a ton, and will NEVER have as cool as a boss(es) as I did. BUT after 4 years, I out grew the job and was sick of the day to day bullshit and more so, just not feeling full filled at the end of the day. I realized that while I love me some Tpain, I didn't give a shit as to how many spins he got in Madison, WI.

So now I get to do what I have wanted to do for the past couple of years. Write and implement full fledged marketing campaigns for Broadway shows. Schmooze with advertising reps to do all the media buying, be creative, write, and work with cool people who all adore what they do. And if you aren't familiar with the venue think RENT and Jersey Boys - we are home and founders to them, to name a few.

Umm so okay, where am I going with this? ha. Well all in all, i'll leave you with this. It feels nice to be back in SD, loving the job, but miss LA and my people and the music industry and honestly the ambition of the city, will probably be back one day unless I meet some amazing man down here, depressed of being single, trying to let men from the past run through my head anymore, trying to focus on writing and being healthy and me.Manifest that things will be content for me down the line. Things will fall into place for me down here as I take on this new chapter.

I pray for my mom. I hope to become closer with my family. I hope to feel content and full filled in life on all levels. I hope to meet new amazing people. I hope to become closer to God. I hope to pay of my debt and get a new car. I hope to loose 7 pounds. I hope to meet awesome men who call when they say they will call.And one more thing...I really hope to be in a show once again! I have totally been inspired recently.

Talk soon.