Frustrated. Confused. I want.

Frustrated, that night after night I come home from a long day's work to an empty home.
Some day's happier than others.
Other days depressing and overwhelming.
Balance is key to life, yet I have no love.

Single and sick of it.
He was right, I do want a relationship in the near future and sometimes I do question how I will balance it all out, but with the right person balance will become indescribably natural.

This past weekend, I had a sexy, intriguing, intelligent, soul connected, London man come down and visit me. For a few days, I felt that exciting feeling again. That feeling of connection, of warmth and your tummy telling you that someone likes you, and you like them back. I was nervous and excited. The weekend happened, and it was good, I had some tensions built up from my busy schedule, but for the most part I played it breezy. This man and I click on a level that feels natural off the bat. I was excited to come home to him. I want him. Until he ruined my flow with the questions. The over-bearing questions of love, lust, marriage and relationship.

Does he remember what he asked? Does he remember my answers? I only know the guy shy of three weeks, and it felt so intense. It felt like it went from excitement and anticipation and wonder to a realization, probably one that was for the best. I'm saddened. I'm not going to lie, I do want a relationship sometime soon and I want that to lead to marriage and a family and the whole nine yards. But why did he come down then? Was nothing of that genuine? My gut doesn't tell me so.

Frustrated. Back to feeling single. Maybe I shouldn't let up, but he can reach out. Because I'm a little confused of what all that was.

It sucks coming home to an empty house. It's the holidays. Here I sit again. I want to see him again, I want the butterfly feeling to turn into reality. I want to show him I can be that girl he never knew existed.

Lord, help me. Bring it together for me, just this once. please.

It's not fair.

Love sucks.
Men suck.

Confused.