Then again, sometimes I'm 27.

Then again, sometimes I'm 27.

Sometimes in the mix of the work hard, play hard life, there comes a time where I take a step back and take it all in and ride the coaster through the hills of life, only to realize...wait a second I'm only 27. I'm a LEO and naturally tend to act on impulse, and have an ambitious nature. But recently I've realized a) what I want as the next step in my life and b) have realized to make the most out of life, weekends and more.

This past weekend, I probably (professionally) fucked up. It was the biggest event of the year at my work and when I heard (later to my misunderstanding) that it was "optional" to attend, I chose the later of the two options and made plans. The Indie Music Fest was calling my name. It is what lays in my hear day in and day out of this sort of "figuring it out" stage, and so I didn't want to give it up. Needless to say this past weekend was a blast.

Friday night, met up with a co-worker for a glass of wine and to talk about this new business adventure we are partaking on. Beezag.com --- check it out in case I ever become rich and famous off it. Then, didn't feel like going home so went straight to a friend's house to make these crepe filled things that really didn't turn out to amazing, and drank too much wine. We then went on a mini adventure to the "industry" mixer mingle thing as part of the Indie Fest, and while I knew there would really be no "industry" there, I wanted to check it out. Well, it was lame. So we then hopped to a bar, drank wine that I think I thought was on the house, then I called it a night, excited for the next day.

Saturday was amazing. It was a (much needed) gorgeous day out and I met up with a friend around 1p after a long long run, to head over to the Indie Music Fest. It was awesome out. Hooked up with passes, good people, beautiful weather, music all around and just a live in the moment enjoy this afternoon sort of day. We went for a cocktail which turned in five (story of my life.com), met these cool gay boys who we chatted to about Spain and boys. Then we decided to run around and catch more music. So from locals Rob Deez and Josh Damigo to Nappy Routs, Metrix, Audio Mainslave and more -- I completely got my music fix in. I left that night KNOWING this is what I want to pursue. It was a great day. And in the end, glad I chose that route as my Saturday.

Sunday. I talked my friend and partner in crime to making a day trip up to LA. I had left something at my friend's house to while I could have waited 2 weeks for her to come down, I am trying hard these days to commit the plan I make. Because I soo appreciate that in people, and more often then not, people are flakes.So we made the drive, after a night of not sleeping well, and of course I call my friend to come get my stuff at her work, and she left it at home. The funny part is, I knew this was going to happen. Sort of annoying considering that was half the reason of my trip, but we made it to LA, met up with friends for a Sunday funday in Venice Beach. Life was feeling good that day and it all started with a motivating message at 8am in the morning from church. We stayed in LA a little longer than we should have, and I ended up drinking a little to much, and texting people I shouldn't have. Well, it's not that I text anything crazy---it's just that I should lay off. Whatever. Here goes my 2 months of laying off. For real.

Then we headed back to SD, and I could barely stay awake at the wheel. Stopped at Jack in the Crack for a milkshake, which I know goes so terribly against my veganism, but I wanted one. Of course overall weekend included spending way to much money that I don't have. Ugh.

So here I am back to the grind Monday. Writing this blog in an open outlook box, because well -- I am soon VERY MUCH over this. I know I should be lucky, and I am totally blessed, but when my heart, gut and soul are telling me to do other things, I can't stop but daydream in the middle of my days. I got my review today, and in the back of my head I kept thinking, "well if all goes as planned" I will be on to bigger and better in 3 months. I don't know if I am making the right choice to rent out my condo and possibly quit my job to pursue the next step, but at the end of the day, it feels right. A little part of my wants to have nothing to worry about for am onth in the summer, and then go back to a rad job in LA. Hoping it can works itself out like that. I can't feel confined anymore. Some may call my crazy, others my envy me, but at the end of the day I have truly learned to listen to your heart.

I am sick of putting so much energy into work, I want a balance, a boyfriend a travel life, I want it all. Hoping this new phase will bring that to me. I've stopped looking for love, and started living in the moment. Or at least I try for hours at a time, to make up for the rest of the time that feels overwhelming, confusing and weird.

Where was I going with this?Oh yeah, the announcement of my awesome weekend. Where I learned note to self: don't put so much energy out on men. And note to self # 2. Do what you need to do to move back to LA.

Amen.

Los Angeles.

It's interesting the spell that LA cast's on one.

It's a love hate relationship, with a big melting pot in between,

Sometimes filled with sugar, sometimes filled with spice.

But I love it.

I spent the past 72 hours up there.

Really trying to let it sink in.

Not just get wrapped up in the everyday chaos but I dove right in.

Letting my gut feeling take over and let my mind try to rule out my emotion.

Easy to get caught up in temptation.

But at the end of the day, I feel it in me.

LA is where it happens.

I want to be a part of it again and eat, sleep, breath it.

I guess i'm a city girl, and it's okay to admit it.

Okay to want your dreams to come to true in the city of opportunities and the city of broken dreams.

What do I have to loose? I'm still young, single, fun, sassy, smart, and ready to take that city by storm just like everyone else is. I tried to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond, but it's not me. I need a pulse, and people with vision. I think I need to do it. All bullshit put aside, I think I need to move back up. I hate feeling constrained in San Diego. I hate not meshing with anyone with a similar mindset time after time, and meeting lame as men who only care about day time drinking.

And if I do this, and feel discontent after, well then so be it. But we have to manifest our own destiny. I want Los Angeles to happen. I pray for new opportunities and the the excitement of starting a new life up there, with new people. Excited to get to know some of the people I left off with better.

When in doubt, make a change.

I think I need this, i'm excited.

Now I need to get my ass into shape.

After the mini vacay.

Life is so interesting. For once, maybe I do want to take the road less taken. So what if I don't have a job right away. Is it so wrong to admit I sort of want a month of doing nothing? Just a month, that's all then an awesome job would be nice.

I realize what i'm leaving and what i'm getting into.

But Los Angeles, you are home.

San Diego, you will be there for me when i'm ready to raise kids, and settle.

So here's lookin out to the future. Excited.

Keep on thinking positive.

I'm moving back.

Yayyy :)

The last straw standing.

I love you like a sister but I can't stand to tell you the truth.

I'm the last straw standing, and so through thick and thin I try to hang on

But t the end of the day my energy empties out.

I can't take the drama, the gossip, the go around in circles...

some things never change.

I don't know how to tell you this.

Without any drama, and so then I think to myself

Don't say anything at all.

I do love you like a sister, I do.

But everything in moderation.

And when I bond with people who are on the same page with me,

i sometimes wish we could all be one big happy family.

but we tried and it doesn't work.

it's okay to make new friends.

it's okay to go in phases.

it's okay to do what ya wanna do at the end of the day.

cuz it's my life.

and i love you.

but i'm the last straw standing, and my drink is almost empty.

please forgive me.

i love you like a sister.

but i can stand the drama.

and ain't tryin to have that in my life.

i do hope one day you understand.

I pray for you.